My Kids Poop On Me...Part 2

Well, if you're familiar with my previous post about my kids pooping on me, than you will surely love this "part 2" of the poo poo saga.

It was an irregular evening, no chaos, no excitement, no bad behavior. Just happy, well behaved kids, approaching bath time. I should have known right? I have an 8 year old who is far beyond needing help from me to shower, so all I have to worry about is the little ones, Ethan 2, and Libby 1. Now we happen to be blessed with a pretty big bathtub in our master bathroom. So I use that to my advantage. I put both little guys in there at the same time, and then I only really have to give one bath a night. I save on water and time. I'm so smart I should write books!

Ahh, but what happens when your 2 year old screams "Libby pooped!!"? Well according to my previous post, he says that all the time, and had only been right once. And even though it was disaster, he's never really been right again since. I had no worries, and just like before, I ignored him. Until he started to cry that is. I turned from the sink where I was getting a rubber band for my hair, and there it was, poop, floating, everywhere. It was an SBD! That's right, silent, but deadly. I never heard her poop, but sure enough, Libby had produced enough diarrhea to fertilize a whole field of corn (that's a nice picture huh?) And there it was floating, covering the entire surface of the water. The blob had come back to terrorize us one more time.

Do they put poo poo repellent on diapers?

Now I don't want to bore you with all the crazy details of how long it took and how hard it was to clean that up. Let me just say this though, I dread bath time, and my daughters cute little heiny isn't so cute anymore. It's the enemy. And Ethan is officially known as The boy who cried poop!

Looks like my brillaint plan isn't really that brilliant after all.

Maybe I'll hold off on that book for now.

Are You Ready For Some Football?

It was a beautiful, sunny, Sunday with football on the TV. This is the best time of the year. Yes, we are ready for some football, and we love it. Doesn’t that little anthem just make you think of a bunch of big, manly men, sitting around yelling at the TV over pass interferences, and first downs? Well that little anthem used to indicate the start of the season where my husband will sit in front of the TV for most of the games, expecting not to be disturbed by me or any of the kids. After all, he’s busy counting up his points from this receiver, or that quarterback, for his Fantasy Football Team. This year started off no different from any other really, except the small fact that now instead of a house full of boys running around tackling each other, now, there is a little girl too. But really, what difference could a little old girl make?

After yelling at our soon to be 3 year old son for coming to close to his GIGANTIC glass of iced tea, sitting right on the edge of the coffee table, my husband settled back down to continue watching the game. Only to be startled by ice cold, tea flowing down his legs. It seems that little girl thought it would be amusing to smack his cup off of the table. “Uh oh” were the words she used as she stood there and looked at what she had just done.

Did you just gasp? Are you holding your breath out of fear yet? What in the world is Daddy going to say about that? Afraid to keep reading? Read on…

Daddy spent the next half hour, cleaning tea stains out of our white carpet. The whole time, baby girl is hugging his wet leg, snuggling his neck, and kissing him. The only words that Daddy had to say about this little mishap were these – “You’re just jealous because she loves me best!” Yes, honey, that’s exactly what I was thinking…

It’s funny the way a sweet little girl can ruin the manliest of men. I guess like most things in life, I just never saw this coming. And to say the least, it’s really just short of freaking me out at this point. It’s not that I don’t love every second of him acting like a goober and gushing over our little princess, but I worry terribly for his sanity. In one short year he has become worse than every man with a daughter he used to make fun of. Al it takes is a hug of his big neck, or a sloppy kiss on his cheek, and baby girl could have the world on a silver platter. What’s gonna happen in January when he has 2 little girls?

Forget football honey. Are you ready for some daughters???

My New Drug-Free PSA

Crack Kills

Even just a little butt, I mean bit, can be fatal.

Look what it's done to my brain already...


Baby Crack

Good Ol' Southern Hospitality

It’s taken a bit of getting used to living here. At first it was almost scary. I went to the grocery store and around every corner was someone asking me “Do ya need help findin’ anything?” By the end I felt like screaming “I’m not going to steal anything!!” I’ve learned since then, that they’re just really helpful, you know, because it’s their job to be.

It seems that “Customer Service” has a whole different meaning down here. It’s the strangest thing. People here are actually ready and willing, and most weird of all, happy to help customers. They actually feel good when they do too. Has anyone ever even heard of such a thing?

Moving on. The people in general, are just as strange. People pop out of nowhere and just start a conversation with you. I don’t even know these people, and here they are talking to me. When they find out we just moved here, they are eager to help me find my way to the next store, or tell me where the best pizza place is, or where I can get a good burger or BBQ. And their not even paid to help me. What’s the matter with these people?

My neighbors have all made their way over to meet us. They bring cookies, phone numbers, and offers of help anytime we should need it. We even were invited to a birthday party by one of them. They wave when ever they see you. They ask how you’ve been. People out walking will wave too, and their not even my neighbors. When I drive around, people doing yard work will wave and smile. Don’t these people know I’m not their neighbor?

Now that I’ve drown you with my sarcasm, I’ll make my point. Living in general is so different here. It’s like another world. There really is something to be said about that “Good Ol’ Southern Hospitality”. I love it, and I never wanna leave it.

The Princess Has A New Castle

So, we finally made it. Just barely, but we’re here. We just barely got the truck loaded in time. We had to call in last minute reinforcements – Thanks so much to Dottie, Brian, and Joe. Thanks to the mail ego, and its inability to ask for directions, the truck driver was late picking up the cab. For the first time ever, the male ego paid off!
The ride down south was really nice, no traffic, and no real problems. Settlement went off without a hitch, and before we knew it, we had the keys to our new home. It was very exciting and a little scary all at once.
The truck was late getting here and we ended up waiting in an empty house for the majority of the day. When it was finally delivered, we started to realize that our rushed loading job did not pay off very well. About half of what was put into the truck was broken, and the other half was ruined by dirt and grease from the inside walls and floor of the truck. I had wanted new couches, and stuff, but not this way. As more and more of the truck was unloaded, my carpet went from white to some shade of ugly that I can’t even describe.
After days of scrubbing and cleaning, it finally started to look like a house. Things started to get put away, the kids were getting used to their new living arrangements, and I had begun to actually find stores and places to go – thanks to Andrea.
Now it’s home, and we love it.

Our Yard Sale Was A Success!

But there was one thing we just couldn't seem to get rid of...


Left Overs

Guess we'll have to keep her!

My Kids Poop On Me....

...Literally.
My daughter was happy and playing on the floor, my 7 year old was happily playing his Game Boy, and of course, there was distress coming from my 2 year old. I was trying to have a conversation with my mother about my trials that day, while my 2 year old(again, why is it always him??) was constantly interrupting me. "Libby pooped" he kept saying. Now this is nothing out of the ordinary, the pooping, and him telling me she pooped. He tells me about a hundred times a day that she pooped. He's never right, but he still tells me just as much. I was succeeding at ignoring him, until he shouted "Libby's in the toilet!". Again, he was wrong, but she was close to the bathroom door, so I ran over and scooped her up. Just then, I felt it. Warm pasty, smelly, yuckiness!! For the first time ever, my 2 year old was right, Libby did poop. A lot! It was everywhere. It was on the carpet, my clothes, her clothes, my arms, and even up the back of her head in her hair(how does poop travel so well?).
Now you would think that her diaper had never been changed, or it was completely full right? But it wasn't. It never ceases to amaze me how much poop a little baby can produce, and how much it can spread. I think there was only a small trace of it actually in the diaper. The rest seemed to have escaped somehow, and began to terrorize us like the Blob.
The baby was crying, Ethan was laughing, my 7 year old was freaked out, and I was feeling despair. Where do I even begin? If I don't get it off the carpet, then Ethan will surely track it or spread it. If I don't get it off of myself and the baby, it will continue to get on the floor and everything else....UGH!
Poop stinks! Literally and figuratively. Getting pooped on, stinks even worse!

Yard Sale!

We are just about done with all the packing and cleaning out. We have tons of clothes, toys, furniture, and misc house things to get rid of. Come on out if you're in need of any of that. Pass it on to your friends.
Saturday May 14th rain or shine
8am-1pm
ALL PRICES NEGOTIABLE!!!!!!!
Email me if you need directions

"Call an exorcist"....

...was the line I heard repeated several times at the grocery store the other day. You see, I broke my own rule(not taking my children to the store ever again in their young lives) and took my three children grocery shopping. From the parking lot, my 2 year old(why is it always him???) was whining that he "don't want to go to store mommy, NO!!". Well it must've been all the packing that has caused some sort of oxygen shortage to my brain, because instead of running away-screaming, like the dope that I apparently am, I went in thinking he would stop. I had to stop right on the inside of the doors to calm him(threaten really). As soon as the cart started to move again, he started whaling, kicking and doing some type of convulsing movement. I quietly informed him that he would be taking a trip to the bathroom if he didn't behave himself. Not only did that not work, but it seemed to have made him even more mad. So naturally, I did what any normal, sane woman would do, I left the store right? NO! I took him to the bathroom and spanked his little heiny. He was so sorry after that, and I was convinced that this thing was in the bag. Now all I had to do was gather up what was left of my sanity, ignore the embarrassment I was feeling, and finish my shopping that I hadn't even been allowed to start.
We left the bathroom, and wouldn't you know it, he threw himself on the floor and started that little convulsive dance of his, all the while, screaming at the top of his lungs. I had to pick him up kicking and screaming, and throw him into the cart. I had finally gotten it through my head that it was way past time to go home, and that I would not be doing any shopping today. I tried my best to console him while I ran down the closest isle to the bathroom, and picked up a pizza and french fries. He just wouldn't have any part of it, and he continued to scream all the way until we go into the car....
I couldn't even look the cashier in the eye, or anyone else for that matter. People were peering around the corners of isles to what the fuss was, the manager came out of his office for goodness sake!
Yesterday I had to go grocery shopping again. I used to go to Shoppers, but yesterday, and until we move, I went to Safeway!

Packing Frenzy

Since we knew we would be moving even before we bough our house, I decided to get a head start on packing. I thought it would be a great idea to use the extra time to go through all of closets, drawers, and attic (though that is still yet to be finished-refer to an earlier post “BEES”) so that I could throw away all the things that we just don’t need anymore. I’ve been making great progress too. Chris has kept a steady flow of boxes coming in, and I have been steadily filling them up. There really isn’t much left to do, and at this rate, I should be done in the next 2 weeks.
This morning I realized that I may just be getting a little ahead of myself. I woke up with the kids, and slugged down stairs. I started the coffee pot like I do every morning. Chris was getting ready for work, and I was feeding the kids. Just like most mornings, I asked Chris on his way out the door if he wanted to take some coffee with him. He always says yes, because even though my Folgers isn’t gourmet, it is better than the mud at his office. So I went to get him a travel cup, and it’s then that I realized….I packed them already!
Poor Chris, what a tease! I offered some nice coffee, and then he couldn’t take it. I may need to slow down a bit with the packing. We’re 3 ½ weeks out from our move and already we’re eating off of paper plates, with plastic cups.
At this rate, one day Chris will come home and find our kids in a box….


A Lib in the Box

Sherlock Mom

About a month ago, the VCR broke. I could not for the life of me figure out what was wrong with it. Now I don’t really claim to know anything about electronics or other complicated machines, but I can tell if it’s not plugged in for example, or it needs new batteries ? That was not the case this time though. No matter what we did, we just couldn’t get it to accept a tape. It would just keep spitting it back out. Well finally after a week, we figured it out. Someone (Ethan) had put the soundtrack to Shrek 2 in there. Now even though I don’t know much about electronics, I do know that a VCR can’t play CD’s. So I fished it out, and the problem was solved.
Then this morning my son came to me and said “Mom, the VCR is busted again”. Well I was happy to tell him that all he had to do was take the CD out, and it would work. I knew this must have been the problem. I was so happy to have been able to solve a problem so quickly and easily. Today is going to be a good day.
Not so much. He came back about a minute later and told me there was no CD in there. So I had to go investigate. At first glance inside the machine it appeared that everything was normal. So what could be the problem? I knew that something must have been stuck in there since the VCR kept spitting tapes out just like that last time. But I couldn’t see anything in there. I just could not seem to figure it out this time. But I was determined and decided that I couldn’t give up. After all, you cannot have 3 kids and a broken VCR, that combination is lethal.
Anyways, to make a long story short, I just spent the last half hour fishing a Hot Wheels car out of the VCR. Yup, that’s right, a Hot Wheels car. It was an illusive little bugger too. It’s a black and silver car, so you can barely see it lodged in there. It kind of blends in with all the mechanical stuff inside.
Why did it take so long you ask? Well let me tell you. My 2 year old had it so creatively tucked in there, that I really though for a few minutes that I would have to actually take my VCR to a professional. But then I decided that I didn’t want to have to explain to someone how my son used it for a “gas station”, and even worse, pay for them to fix it. So I pumped myself up, got some tools-a popsicle stick and a book mark (what else would a stay at home mother of 3 use??) and I got to work. It took some doing, but I finally got it out. Now I can exhale….
Mystery solved!

Highland Creek Here We Come!

This is the only photo so far. We didnt take any when we looked at it. Folks can be funny about you taking snapshots of thier houses you know. This is off the website from our realtor. When I get more pics, I'll post em'

You can check out the neighborhood www.highland-creek.com And yes it really does look like the pictures

Movin' On Up!

Yup, that's right. Just like the Jeffersons! Only not to the East Side, but down south instead. We finally bought a house, and we move on Memorial weekend. We got a great single family with a yard, a garage, and a great neighborhood. Best part is that we're gonna be 9 houses down and one over from my brother in law and his family! Stay tuned for pics and details as moving day approaches.
We're gladly welcoming any one who wants to come visit before we're gone. We'll try to get out to see as many of you as we can, but would really love the company while we spend these last few weeks packing and preparing.

UGH!

The kids have croup, and the house is a mess. I haven’t slept well in days. I think I’m catching what they have, if an adult can catch the croup. I have lost my voice, and I’m so tired. Things have been nuts lately trying to find a house, lots of doctor apts., getting Chris2 ready for his standardized testing, preparing for a trip to NC to look at houses, and packing our house. In the process of all the chaos, my kids, especially Ethan, have found creative ways to entertain themselves.


Exibit "A" That missing roll of TP has resurfaced....

BEES!

We are planning a move to NC sometime in the next few months. We thought that a great way to pack would be to start now and take our time going through things. Why throw everything in trash bags (our traditional way) when we can box it up neat and organized?
Our plan starts with cleaning out the attic. Slowly but surely I have been taking a few boxes, bins, or bags at a time, cleaning them out, re-boxing them, and throwing lots of things away. Things have been going well. I feel good about moving now. It won’t be so hard to pack everything and it won’t have to be done last minute. It’ll be 10 times easier to unpack, and this way, things shouldn’t get lost or broken. Sounds like a good plan right?
Saturday I was up in the attic, getting the last of the kids’ old clothes out. It was raining outside, so it was quite noisy up there. Not to mention all the spider webs and other bugs that have made a nice warm home in there this winter. Now I’ve been doing well so far, sucking it up and ignoring all the little creepies, but Saturday was the last straw. There will be no more packing of the attic for me.
As I was throwing the trash bags full of clothes down the attic stairs, I kept noticing a weird type of buzzing noise. Upon throwing the last bag down, I looked around to investigate. I didn’t see anything that seemed like it would be causing such a noise, so I chalked it up to the rain, and went towards the steps to get out of the attic.
I made it down the first step, then the second, and on to the third. Then it happened. A BIG BEE landed on my head! I looked around to notice more bees, BIG ONES! There must have been hundreds (not really, but it felt that way). I never touched another stair. Somehow, I before I knew it, I was standing in the middle of my room, yelling for my husband. I had mysteriously flown out of the attic, over the bags of clothes, and into my room. All without touching my feet to anything, and in a matter of a half a second. I amaze myself sometimesJ
Hearing all the racket, and yelling, my knight in shining armor came running up the stairs. He was upset thinking that something had actually happened…..
Didn’t you hear what I sad about the bees? Something did actually happen. A BIG BEE touched me, there’s lots more up there, and I’m scared now….DUH!
That’s the difference though between men and women I guess. I think that if I would have battled the bee, perhaps with guns or knives, took out the nest, and emerged triumphantly to cook their little dead carcasses, than that would have qualified as “something”. Oh well, you just can’t’ win them all right?
Like I said, there will be no more packing of the attic for me. Moving with trash bags isn’t that bad is it?
And honey, don’t think I didn’t notice you ducking and cautiously looking when you went up to turn the light off and close the hatch…..
What are you afraid of? It’s not like “something” really happened up there.

You think you're tired?

This post I dedicate to all the first time moms out there.
When you’re a first time mom, you want everything to be perfect. You follow all the “tips for raising great kids” found in those annoying magazines. You call the doctor for every sniffle or fever, and your kid will not even taste the likes of sugar or junk food until he/she is at least 2. And even then, it’ll be “just a treat” reserved for “once in a while”, on a sunny day when there’s rainbows and joy for miles. Your child is always clean, and dry. You take walks, sing songs, do crafts, read books, and maybe even join some group or activity like gymnastics for infants(what is the purpose of this again?) or kindermusic (again, the purpose?). You read somewhere that if they listen to classical music, they’ll be smart. So you stock up on Bach, and Beethoven. Everything is structured and life is just so wonderful and fulfilling now. You mature to a new level of responsibility. You begin to lecture your childless friends on things like structure and schedules, growing up and “settling down”. Then you do the unthinkable….decide to have another.
Transition from the first to the second child is a bit nuts. There’s things that are good, and then there’s things aren’t so good. You have a bit of an idea what you’re doing this time around, so there’s less calls to the doctor, less worry, and more of a relaxed feeling. You already know that you won’t sleep at first, but it soon passes, and that sometimes they cry and you just don’t know why. But there seems to be less of a schedule, and it seems harder to stick to. There’s less walking and singing, and reading books. It seems a bit harder to find the time now. Beethoven and Bach get replaced by Time Life Kid Songs CD’s and Sesame Street Jams. You end up getting Happy Meals more often, and even start to use those sweets as a bribe or reward for good behavior in the store or at the doctor’s office. Still, it’s pretty nice and even though you don’t really get to see those childless friends of your, you really like the way things are. Besides, they’ll have kids soon enough, and then you can rekindle that friendship at play dates and birthday parties. All in all, kids are pretty fun, and having a family still ROCKS!
One day you’re sitting on your couch at the end of a long day wondering when and where you lost your mind. You used to be multi-tasker, but somehow, it just doesn’t seem to work anymore. The house is still a mess, and you haven’t watched that show you used to like in ages. You haven't hung out with adults or left the house to do somethig other than errands in months. What is free time again? You seem to have forgotten. You haven’t’ combed your hair today and your lucky you even got to shower. You think about hanging out with your husband, but you reek of Tilex, and desperately want to defunk yourself. On your way to the stairs, you make your way through the kitchen. You refill the candy dish, you’ll be needing that tomorrow. You put away what’s left of dinner, and set the coffee pot for 0:dark thirty. You clean the crayon off the walls. That was the latest project that kept them quiet just long enough for you to throw something edible together and call it dinner. And just when you think you’re home free, and that hot relaxing shower is steps away…..the THIRD child wakes up thanks to teething.
Better put a few extra scoops in the coffee pot.

P.S. This is how you get diner done now….wanna go for #4?

Dinner Time Distraction

Shopping at 10pm isn't so bad after all

After my 3 kids had already spent most of the morning fighting, whining, and acting like zoo animals, I decided to take them grocery shopping. Why you ask? What on this Earth would posses me to do that? I don’t quite know. I suspect that I must’ve hit my head earlier that morning and suffered some sort of brain damage. It’s the only thing that makes sense.

Naturally when we got there, there were no more race car shopping carts left. For those that don’t know, let me explain: these are the carts that have a car attached to the front of them. Meaning I can strap my youngest into the cart seat, and my middle one into the little car. This means everyone is happy and more importantly, contained. Well, like I said, I must’ve suffered brain damage, because instead of turning around and going home, I went on in. I got one of those regular carts. I put my youngest into the cart seat, and my middle one in the basket where the food goes. It seemed that it would work just fine.

We made our way through the store with a minimal amount of yelling and crying. The baby had a melt down half way through and I had to carry her the rest of the time, but other than that, it seemed that this trip just might work out after all. As I rounded the corner of the very last isle, almost triumphant, I could see the finish line nearing. I began my victory dance, only to slip in some sort of puddle on the floor. “What is it?” I thought to myself. “Why is there a trail of drips coming from my cart?”

Horror struck when I recognized the familiar smell of “Tilex Soap Scum Remover”. Yes, that’s right. My 2 year old had not only opened it up, but poured it all over my groceries. “They’re clean mommy” he said to me. He’s so helpful.

Since I’m 26 years old and crying isn’t so much an option anymore, I did what anyone would do. I turned red with embarrassment, and spent the next 10 minutes cleaning it up. You see, when you spill toxic chemicals on your groceries, the store will not let you exchange them for new, clean, chemical free groceries. They pretty much want you to keep the ones you already have and quickly be on your way.

When I finally got to the check out, not so triumphant anymore, the check out girl was very annoyed. And why shouldn’t she be? She had to take every pack of meat that I had, back to the meat dept. and have it re-tagged and re-priced. The ink on the labels runs when you pour cleaning products on them. This took quite a while, and all the people behind me in line started to get impatient. The lady directly behind me finally asked what the hold up was. She thought it was just a regular old riot when I told her. She had raised 4 boys, so she said she understood. At least that lightened the mood a little.

When I got home, I spent half an hour cleaning the rest of my groceries off. I had to throw away 14 dollars worth of roasts, and a few other things. My cabinets still reek of Tilex, and worst of all, my bathrooms are dirty. I don’t have any cleaner to clean them with.

Next time we’ll eat peanut butter sandwiches for dinner.

I used to hate going out late in the evening after the kids are in bed. I'm usually too tired by then, and you never know what kind of weirdos are out at that time either. It used to seem like such a hassle to do it that late. But I learned a valuable lesson that day, shopping at 10 pm isn't so bad after all.